July 2025

July 2025

Tool of the Month - The Last Time

I learned this skill from Sam Harris. Sam’s way with words simply cannot be improved upon. So get your mind blown straight from the source.

If you want to operationalize The Last Time even more… do what I did and get the Life Calendar from Tim Urban that Sam mentions. Again, I don’t promote medicine I myself don’t take. My own life calendar is featured below in The Parade of Shadows. 

Testify!

In this edition of Testify!, we are given the privilege of direct access to the Field Notes of a caregiver working in a residential support home. She is embodying the wisdom of The Last Time every day in her job.

Field Note Honors: The Girl with the Princess Room

(A study in grief, care, and the mistaken diagnosis of mourning)

I used to take Nicole home to her father’s house. She had a bedroom fit for a princess, and he adored her. My role was to help her settle in for the evening—shower, cozy pajamas, maybe brush her hair. It was sweet. It was gentle. It made sense.

So when I found her here—living in this cockroach-ridden house, staff muttering complaints about her refusal to shower—I had questions.

I went to her softly. I asked about her dad.

“He died two months ago,” she said.

Tears. Hollow eyes. Diminished appetite. Matted hair. She hadn’t been eating. She hadn’t been bathing. Of course she hadn’t.

I washed her face gently with warm water. I made her bed. I brushed her hair. I brought her lunch.

Then I asked, “Would you like help with a shower? You’ll feel so much better.”

She looked at me with quiet pleading and said, “Yes, please.”

And then, when the water touched her skin, she whimpered: “I’m scared.”

I called on-call to ask: “Is she being treated as someone in mourning… or someone with behavioral issues?”

The manager said: “She’s a big problem.” Then, quieter: “I guess she could be grieving.”

Nicole’s not a problem. She’s the girl with the princess room whose father is no longer alive. She’s someone mourning, still seeking safety. And today, I got to help her remember what warmth feels like.

 

Epilogue Transmission:

The next day, Nicole was still sad, but something had shifted. She entered the shower with less resistance. She lingered in the stream—playful, almost.

Later, I saw a scattered deck of cards on her bed, familiar from her father’s house. She mumbled something, soft and muddled. I leaned in.

“I don’t have anyone to play cards with.”

So we played. She shuffled into the living room beside me, fragile but determined. And she beat me—at her version of Go Fish, with rules known only to her.

For a moment, I saw her again. The girl with the princess room. Still here.

Parade of Shadows

Sometimes I can tune in to The Last Time by accomplishing something for The First Time. As I write this, it’s my day off …the first Wednesday in July, and for the first time, I rode a stand-up paddle-board from my backyard to The Gulf. I’ve been wanting to try it since moving here a month ago. For weeks I kept looking at the map …wondering if I could paddle the black-water crick behind my house till it reached the brackish lagoon …then paddle across the lagoon to the thin strip of ivory sand on the far shore …then carry the board just a few yards to the other side of the strand and …Bam! There it should be. The salty, transparent, emerald waves of the sea.

I didn’t see anyone else in my neighborhood trying this, though. Was the tempting closeness of the beach on the other side of the lagoon just a trick of the eye? Would the speed-boats racing across the boat channel in the distance be able to see me on a paddle board? Could I paddle fast enough to cross their path safely? So this morning I paddled down to a point in the lagoon where the distance between the shores was narrowest. I looked across and said, what the hell, and paddled my ass off. It turned out to be pretty easy. I got so excited I decided to make this a weekly ritual. A regular dose of vitamin D and cardio. I can’t wait to paddle this route with my son. And my dad. My dog!

But let’s take a sober turn and use our tool of the month. Let me remember that one day… I’ll paddle this route for the last time. (Oh geez …maybe that day was today.) But if I’m committed (or addicted) and do this every week… and if I’m really lucky and do this till I’m 90 years old, I’ll get to repeat this feat about 1,776 more times. Maybe that seems like a large number to you. To me, it’s shockingly tidy. In fact it fits perfectly into the lower third of a standard size poster I have leaning against my office wall. It’s the poster reminding me every day just how many “Wednesdays” I have left.

My Life Calendar.

I crossed out the weeks I’ve already used up.

By the time you read this, I’ll be traveling to see my mentor and inspiration, Barry Michels. I made the first of many pilgrimages to meet Barry exactly 10 years ago when he taught his Tools workshop with Phil Stutz at Omega. But this trip will be the last time. Barry has Lewy Body Dementia. He recently announced next week’s Shadow Workshop at Omega will be his last.

I’m incredibly grateful to know all this. I can feel an urgency rising. I want to show up for this moment. I want to squeeze so much out of this next week, that it spits out every ounce of regret I could possibly feel in the future. I’ll start by literally squeezing Barry if he’ll let me.

May we all show up as if it’s the last time. May we squeeze this moment so hard, that it spits out every future regret like seeds from a Fourth of July watermelon.


Thank you for indulging me.

Don’t stop,

Stergios Skatharoudis

Stergios Skatharoudis

Stergios is a Social Worker in Rochester, NY and has contributed hours of compassionate care and laughter to folks at The LENS. As an avid participant in ecstatic Native American rites such as sweat lodge, sundance, and vision quest, Stergios is a constant source of fully embodied wisdom. We spoke today about the tragedy of being an unwanted child, abandonment, healing, and ways Stergios has found his home. What is home?

Valdis Abols

Valdis Abols

Valdis Abols is the editor of Rigas Laiks Magazine. He served as the Latvian ambassador to Spain for 4 years. Denis met him in 1989 when Valdis, an English teacher at Janis Rosenthal Riga Art School, organized an exchange program with Rita Auerbach, an art teacher at Clarence High School (a suburb of Buffalo, NY).

Curtis Lovell

Curtis Lovell

Curtis and Denis had this conversation over a year ago. Before the pandemic. Before the murder of George Floyd. And before the passing of Curtis’ mother, Lorna C. Hill, just two short weeks ago. Even though their time-capsuled conversation lacks an awareness of today’s sorrows, would you say the poignancy of our present day reality is diminished? Or is it amplified? Curtis talks about why all the superlatives attributed to her mother, Lorna C. Hill, are forever fitting. Curtis was“raised on the stage” in the shining light of Ujima Company, founded by her mother. She breaks down her song, Exorcise and remembers the astonishing moment this song brought an audience member to tears.

Katie Krawczyk

Katie Krawczyk

Katie Krawczyk is Chief Executive Officer and Partner at 19 IDEAS, a marketing, PR, and web development company she started with her husband, Dan Gigante. Katie qualifies as a genuine Buffalo Boss Babe, but if you ask her (or Denis), she’s simply the boss. Denis and Katie talk about growing up in the eighties, life in the burbs (Katie was born and raised in Hamburg, NY), taking risks, playing the game we need to play vs. playing the game we want to play, and finally… choosing the life we’ve lived. The question arises, just how much of our lives can be considered a choice? Well… how much responsibility can you handle? Katie will inspire you to accept more.

Avishai Afek

Avishai Afek

Avi was born in Jerusalem as a wave of hope was cresting. Hope in a peace that had drawn closer than anyone dared to imagine. Hope felt so strongly by Avi’s parents, his middle name is Shalom. Over the next twenty years Avi and his family found themselves in Cleveland, Chicago, Phoenix, New Jersey, Manhattan… and finally… Avi found his own personal Shangri-La… Fredonia, NY, where he attended college, discovered nature amongst the charms of small-town life, and had his first psychedelic experience.

Denis and Avi talk about where hope yet lies this quarter century since his birth. Could it be the promising results emerging from psychedelic research? And yet Avi hastens to qualify every statement he makes about psychedelics with attention to honesty and critical thinking. He’s careful to point out the small study samples, and he humbly admits that his own experiences are highly subjective. Details, caveats, conditions, and contingencies are generously supplied. His candor reveals a wider ratio of risk to benefit than one is likely to hear from the growing throng of psychedelic enthusiasts. Denis found Avi’s rational exuberance for inebriants nothing short of… sobering.

Travel On with Garrett Shea

Travel On with Garrett Shea

Garrett Shea wants to bring poetry to pop. And if a song happens to save a life, that isn’t too shabby either (stay tuned to hear THAT story and song at the end of the episode).

As a proud Villa Maria student, Garrett majored in Music Industry. There he connected with Grammy nominated producer Anthony Casuccio who produced Garrett’s first album with the band, Breckenwood. If you listen to their two albums you can not only hear loads of growth in his recording and song craft, but also a shift from pop-punk to just… pop. The pull of pop eventually led Garrett away from the band four years ago. He continues to write and record original songs, while having a blast in his cover band, The Red Letter Kings.

Garrett talked about that “switch” that needs to go off in his mind and heart before he is able to release a new song to the public. It took him over a year before he was willing to put his song, Travel On up on Spotify.

We Are Building a Religion

We Are Building a Religion

In this Sunday Shit-Show edition of the Lens. Denis invites you to create a reasonable religion with him. What could go wrong?

The Art of Dog with Dave Putman

The Art of Dog with Dave Putman

Dave began his career as a dog trainer [The Art of Dog], with mentor Josh Moran, who Denis interviewed in Episode 3. Dave and Josh have a podcast, Philosophers and Madmen, which focuses on dog-training and world-renowned dog-trainers.

Dave and Denis talk loads about BJJ. As they explore Dave’s life journey from childhood it became clear that Dave’s path led not only to dog training, but human training. Eventually they arrive at Dave’s recent strides in self development, and their conversation turned to the role of psychedelics in becoming more whole.

We Moved!

We Moved!

In this Sunday Shit Show edition of the The Lens, Denis practices Inner Authority, a tool that helps you get in touch with your shadow so that you can speak to an audience. Do you want to be real? Do you want to be brilliant? Do you believe that gaining the attention of your audience actually matters? This tool will tip the scales in your favor.

Also… Denis moved!

Shari Berman

Shari Berman

Shari Berman’s movie, My Life as Abraham Lincoln, is a journey with a woman desperately trying to unravel the tragic mystery of her own mind. It’s also a joyous love letter to the films and film genres Shari most enjoys. Shari also directed Sugar, a rock-and-roll movie about middle-aged women making the most of what could be their last moment to shine (even if it’s only on “MILF-at-Loser-Tube-Dot-Com”!). Denis marveled at the film’s bass-player, June Millington, a kick-ass guitar player from the all-girl band, Fanny.

Shari is pulling her next production together, Pink Mist. For starters, it has muslim immigrants, neighborhood bullies, a yiddish ghost and a tween amputee. Denis is looking forward to seeing where this all goes, and how Shari will weave her sense of humor into the tale. Shari is producing Pink Mist with actor/producer Michael Cuomo. She highly recommends Michael’s film, Happy New Year. One of the lead roles will be played by Lynn Cohen, who is also well known for her character Mags, from the Hunger Games. Shari’s husband, Chris Benker will be the director of photography.

Shari edited the web series, Switch, a dramatic exploration into the real life experiences of people who work in BDSM dungeons.

Notes from The Horizons Conference

Notes from The Horizons Conference

Denis attended The Horizons Conference: Perspectives on Psychedelics. There he met with other enthusiastic attendees, most notably Kalindi Iyi, Hamilton Morris, and Roberta Russell. He also got to hear accomplished speakers share their research findings on the therapeutic applications of MDMA to treat PTSD, DMT for treatment-resistant depression, and psilocybin to treat cocaine addiction. Michael Pollan was a highlight. Pollan’s in depth, solemn, and almost ‘mainstream’ treatment of psychedelics in his book, How to Change Your Mind, was the inspiration Denis needed to attend this conference and seek out other therapists who are bringing entheogenic experiences to the folks who need them.

All I Need with Myron Deputat

All I Need with Myron Deputat

Myron is a renaissance man. A devoted full time engineer, and part time music writer, producer, and charismatic leader of the band, Those Idiots. If you find yourself in Buffalo the day after Easter, prepare to encounter a parallel universe in which everyone is Polish, armed with pussy willows and squirt guns, and willing to FIGHT… for your RIGHT… to POOOOOOOOOLKA! Denis and Myron talk about immigrants, millennials, creating the digital future of Ukraine as the Soviet Union crumbled, and how to be popular with help from harmonicas.

Myron also talks about the tragic night music saved his life.

Summer's Eulogy

Summer's Eulogy

Just because something doesn’t last doesn’t mean it sucks.